On Divorce, Remarriage & God’s Will

Thoughts by Kare Sue.

Divorce is one of those topics that shows up uninvited. Not every day. Not even regularly. But every now and then, it presses on the mind—quietly, persistently and this week, the question wasn’t just what happens in divorce, but why.

Why do people leave each other?

Beyond the obvious reasons—infidelity, growing apart, financial strain, even the strange and unexpected like one spouse joining a cult—there remains a deeper question. After everything has happened… why end it? The answer, she concludes, is simple, though not easy: choice.

“Someone chose to call it quits. They chose either to not forgive and move on, or to forgive and move on.”

That realization shifts the conversation. Divorce is not just something that happens to people—it is something people decide, often in the middle of pain, disappointment, or exhaustion.

What does God say about divorce?

Her reflections turn to Scripture, beginning with Deuteronomy 24:1–4, where divorce is acknowledged as a human reality. It was permitted, though regulated. A divorced woman, in that context, was free to remarry.

But then comes the weightier statement in Malachi 2:16: “God hates divorce.” Not the people involved—but the act itself.

Why? 

Because divorce tears apart what was meant to be one. It is not just a legal separation; it is a breaking of something deeply joined. And while it does not harm God, it deeply harms people—and God does not take lightly what hurts those He loves.

In the teachings of Jesus, particularly in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9, the standard is sharpened. Divorce was never part of the original design. It entered the picture because of the brokenness of humanity and yet, there is an allowance—specifically in cases of sexual immorality. Outside of that, remarriage after divorce is described in strong terms: as adultery.

Which raises another set of difficult questions.

Do divorced people deserve to remarry?

Kare Sue separates this into two different conversations:

1. One of fairness: Do they deserve it?
2. One of obedience: Are they allowed by God?

Scripture speaks more clearly to the second than the first. But even here, she pauses and wonders: “I wonder why Jesus did not speak on physical abuse…” A question many have asked, and one that remains part of the wider conversation around how Scripture is interpreted and applied today.

What if God didn’t join the marriage?

This is where the reflection becomes more uncomfortable—and more personal.

In the New Testament, particularly in Mark 10:11–12, the instruction is clear: what God has joined together should not be separated.

But Kare Sue pushes the question further: “What if God did not join you together? What if the person you married was not God’s will for you?”

Was it still a valid union? Does it still carry the same weight or was it, in her words, “mlijipata tu kwa kina ndoa”?

It’s a confronting thought because it challenges assumptions about how people enter marriage in the first place—whether through intention, obedience, or simply circumstance.

Would you marry a divorcé?

The conversation moves from theology into lived reality. After discussions with a senior figure over Easter, she reflects on advice given to her—to “widen the net” and be open to divorcees and widowers and with time, she acknowledges, this is not a theoretical question. It becomes increasingly practical.

Her experiences with divorced individuals have been varied—sometimes insightful, sometimes cautionary: “I have met many divorced people… and they have been DIFFERENT in nature! None of them and their failed marriages are alike.”

• Some carry regret.
• Some carry wounds.
• Some carry growth.

So, she arrives at a grounded, almost practical conclusion: “Get to know someone and decide if they are worth considering and worth committing to.”

But with a warning: “If they don’t want to be fully known… murife...run.” Because hidden things have a way of resurfacing later.

She notes that a divorced person may be: The one who caused the breakdown—and has not owned it or the one who was hurt—and is still carrying unforgiveness and both realities require discernment. “Unforgiveness grows into bitterness and clouds judgment.” She says.

So where does this leave us?

Not with easy answers but with a process; “Gather information: ask, probe, collect data. Pray: ask God about what you’ve gathered. Then choose: employ the act of your will and finally, stick to your decision.”

It is a call to intentionality. To not drift into relationships. To not “just find yourself” in lifelong commitments. To involve God, not as an afterthought, but as a guide. Because in the end, beyond all the theology, questions, and experiences, one truth remains:

• People are messy.
• But they are deeply loved by God.

And every decision—especially one as weighty as marriage—deserves both wisdom and surrender.